2015 Festivus Games – I Came Here to Chew Gum and Do Some Crossfit… And Yes, I Do Have Some Extra Gum. Would You Like a Piece?

With apologies to King Blogger Dave Nichols, here’s my Festivus Recap. Also, apologies to anyone tired of people talking about Crossfit. If so, move on. Or heckle me, then move on. And since this mushroomed beyond a FB post, I’m resurrecting a blog I abandoned 4+ years ago. Coincidentally, the last post was my first and only Crossfit post after starting at KOP.

Prepping and Carpooling

Friday morning, I had two events I was anxious about. A big work presentation later that day and the Festivus Games, a competition for Novice and Intermediate athletes. This would be my first Crossfit competition ever. Well, technically, it would be the first competition that wasn’t a KOP-only event I did do King & Queen of Prussia in 2012, but that was many months of intermittently not Crossfitting ago.

The work thing went swimmingly.  Mental work done.  Physical work up next.

I tried to do all I could to prepare. Reviewed the WODs in my head 4-5 times per day. Tried some of the lifts, whose weights were below my PR, but not by a lot. Spent an hour of stretching and bullshitting with Dave, Rachel, Michal, Alona, & Jen at the box Friday night. Made a super healthy sweet potato hash for dinner. Instagrammed it. Worried I was going to bed an hour late because I made the hash. Was not worried about the Instagram. Packed my bag and my cooler. Slept.

Woke up stupid early Saturday morning. Showered and ate more hash and eggs. Hoped I had a later first heat so this could all digest. Running a bit late, but figured I’d have time to run to Wawa for some ice. I get to the KOP parking lot about 8 minutes late to see Shawna’s car on the way out and Keith & Dave sitting by themselves in the parking lot. So at least I’m not as late as Michal & Rachel. Who, to be clear, were more than 8 minutes late. I borrow Keith’s keys so I can go inside and poop. A lot. Like, a real lot. While I’m in there, the gals *finally* showed up. Michal scares the poop back into me as I come out of the bathroom. We pack up the car and get on the road. The road to Wawa. The Wawa I had already stopped at. Michal needed her Breakfast of Champions (chicken salad + Red Bull). Rachel needed hard-boiled eggs that Keith can complain about having to shell on the ride into town. Keith and Dave needed things that we couldn’t make fun of.

On the way, we play the game where Keith says "I like _____" in a monotone voice after someone else says "______". I also call him "Keithie" after he says he’s glad I came back to the KOP. I’m sure there’s no way that name will stick. We definitely shouldn’t call him that. Seriously, you guys.

We roll up, stake our claim on a patch of sidewalk and began our day.

Warning: It’s About To Get Dusty In Here

Before I get into the highly personal minutiae of my experience doing these WODs, allow me to gush about how fun this day was. As many of you know, Ultimate Frisbee has been my sport of choice for many a year. It’s a fun sport. But what I’ll hopefully remember as I drool my way to the grave in my are the times before, in between and after the games. The hijinks, the stories told with cleats off and a beer in hand, the dance parties, etc.

Saturday was one of those kind of days. I exercised for a grand total of 27 minutes. The other 8 hours and 33 minutes were spent screaming encouragement (i.e. things that make some laugh and some give me the finger), hanging out under the tent, eventually cracking open some hard-earned beers, and generally having more fun than one man should be allowed. Hijinks were had and moments shared. Complaining to Dave that my delicious cold beer was almost too cold and too delicious (I was done, he was not), seeing a fantastic action-movie-hero eye gleam twinkle from Rachel when I mentioned Thrusters as a potential Championship WOD component, and being able to provide Dave with a cold beer after he finally finished his last WOD all stand out in my mind.

I’m thrilled I decided to come back to KOP. I’m getting totally jacked and swole. But more importantly, I’m getting to know and befriend you jerks. I’m ever so lucky. Someone’s (Jill) first thought when they awoke was that they were excited to spend a whole day with me. Beyond the myriad of mental health questions that statement raised, that’s an amazing thing to hear. At the end of the day, standing at the urinal at Taphouse 23, I thought back over the day and got a big ol’ shit-eating grin. Those are not all that common, but they lighten my heart. In a word, YAY!

WOD #1 (1000m Row + 50 WB @20#/10′)

 

WODs 1 and 2 were going on simultaneously. So some people did them in reverse order. I was happy to not be one of them. WOD #1 was the one I knew I could do at a good pace, so I wanted to be able to go full steam with my tank on F. Also thought it might loosen me up a bit for the heavier stuff to come. If there’s a WOD that starts with rowing, I’m usually one of the first ones off the rower. Maybe people are wisely trying to pace themselves for the ensuing movements where they pass me like I’m a rickshaw on the highway. But I feel like I’m breathing at least a little fire on that initial row. So this was going to be a confidence builder, I hoped.

But enough about how I’m minutely awesome in one very specific situation. I pushed myself to go a little harder in the middle portion and got off the rower in a 4-second PR at 3:30. Then the heavy wall balls to a 10′ mark that seemed at least 10′ and 1" while watching other folks go through the WOD. Maybe it was just an optical illusion. When I actually started, it didn’t seem that high. But there was something different, which I didn’t couldn’t put my finger on until someone said afterwards that we’re used to the KOP wood giving our balls more of a rebound. The concrete at CF South Philly was not as kind to our balls. My initial plan of 15/7/7/7/7/7 quickly went out the window like they were a drunk in a Old West saloon fight. First set was 10, then 8 more sets of 5. It was funny when I kept hearing Keith yelling for me to do a big set. Very quickly, 5 seemed like a goddamned huge set. Was paranoid about getting no-repped (by an old Ultimate Frisbee friend of mine), so I jumped a lot of them up. One set of 5, the lack of rebound caused me to keep getting closer to the wall to catch the ball. The last one ended with me practically leaning against the wall.

At 6:37, I pushed up my last wall ball and collapsed to the ground in a super graceful manner. Had to get some fresh air so I could avoid giving something (i.e. my breakfast) back to the community.

I had done this WOD with an 18# ball a week or so ago in 6:27, so I was happy with this. It’s time for me to graduate to 20# balls now. Some might say that is a graduation I attend every time I open my mouth, and they’re not entirely wrong.

WOD #2 (2 min. AMRAP of 135# Front Squats, 2 min. of rest, 6 min. AMRAP of 6 135# Power Cleans + 6 Burpees over bar)

  

About 6 minutes before my start time, I felt the need to yet again poop. I debated with my butt for a minute or so and figured that a trip to the port-o-potty was better safe than sorry. Plus I’d be a little lighter for the burpees. Turned out to be a false alarm. My rear was pregnant with anxiety, rather than used food.

This was the one I was most worried about. I can do both lifts at 135, but not quickly or a lot of them. So I made the decision early on to just move steadily through them with a minimum of rest. And that’s pretty much what I did. Was not pretty, but I slogged through it. Only dropped the bar twice during the Front Squats, probably only should’ve been once. Or none. Stayed on the bar consistently with the Cleans. Burpees were burpees. Lots of slowly stepping over the bar. Here’s an example where the competition framework makes you use less intensity. Since judging whether someone actually  jumped over the bar or not is difficult, they have to let the competitors cross the bar however they want. So what should be a more intense movement than a regular burpee ends up being less so. More on this in the next section.

I had invited some of my non-CF friends who live in the area to stop by if they wanted to cheer me on. I began to regret this the more I thought about it because they are world-class hecklers. Also, it didn’t smell good in there. But they showed up and I was grateful to have their support, even if I missed 99% of anything they said once the WOD started. Afterwards they were mostly complimentary, though.

I forgot exactly how many reps I did, and the Festivus Games web site still hasn’t recovered from the crash. So just enjoy the mystery.

WOD #3 (5 min. AMRAP of 5 115# "Push Presses" + 15 "Box Jumps", 1 min. of rest, 1 min. AMRAP Double-unders)

    

My butt again tried to tell me lies about how it needed to be emptied. But I knew now that it was an unreliable narrator.

This was the "easiest" of the 3 WODs. The weight wasn’t light, but the small sets meant I could string them every time. I dipped too much on one of them and almost had to bail but recovered. "Push Press" is in quotes because it should have been listed as "Shoulder to Overhead", since they said you could also jerk it up.

And "Box Jumps" is in quotes because almost everyone did step-ups because they were faster. If everyone is going to do a less intense movement because it’s faster, just call them Box Step-ups and be done with it. I’m used to viewing step-ups as a scale, so I did true box jumps the first 2 rounds before downshifting to step-ups. I noticed that a lot of people were using a technique where as soon as their second foot touched the ground, they immediately stepped back up onto the box with that foot. It seemed fast, but you also had to alternate legs with that technique. That choreography was beyond me.

A minute of rest went by way too quickly, and I was one minute of double unders away from being done. I had been practicing this all week and had done as many as 55. I foolishly had a goal of 60. But my body was not going to cooperate at the end of a long day. I only strung 17 to start and after that it was all I could do to string 2-5 at a time. Ended with 43 which was a bit of a bummer.

But overall I was happy with my performances. I worked hard at some relatively high weights. And, as mentioned before, everything else was just peachy.